Path 1 or Path 2

It is one of those tapes that can turn "on" at unexpected times.

The playlist with that too-familiar message that repeats in your mind, that snatches the wind from your sails, leaving you stranded and stuck.

Mine?

"Others are doing what you wish you could."

"I already need to be at the pinnacle of my journey."

Not quite jealousy. Not quite coveting. 
More like wanting more, desiring that dream that has not yet (or may not ever) come into focus.

As the writer of this blog, my heart and vision is for you as the reader to be encouraged and inspired and spurred on in your journey as a result of the words and images and  subjects and lessons of my everyday.

• Others, MANY others out there (same age as me, similar life circumstances as me) are also writing and sharing through their own blogs. Inspiring, convicting, captivating. Hundreds, thousands follow their words.
• Others more write books, to share their hearts at a larger level. Hundreds, thousands read their written thoughts.

Me? 

My vision I just wrote about? 

How I long for more and more people to read and grow from God's leading and in my life. Oh, how beautiful it would be to have the scale of impact of those fellow writers, those sisters in faith. 

I think about this often...

Are my desires prideful and self-seeking? 

(Wanting a known name, wanting to be responsible for impacting such audiences.)

OR 

Are they more "acceptable" desires? 

(Simply wanting to be used by God in greater, far-spanning realms.)

This is where my mind can go different directions. 

And this is where I need to tread carefully.

And to ask myself: 

What am I seeking? 

Path 1: The approval of others (in this case, shown by blog-reader-numbers or positive feedback shared from you).

OR 

Path 2: Is following God's prompting and leading enough, just knowing I'm following His plans, however grand or small?

Phew.

Path 1 is so reliant on circumstances and so prone to ups-and-downs (like a large number of readers means success, and a low number means I somehow failed?)

Path 2 is the path of beauty and peace. Personal growth, deeper dependence and attention away from selfish desires, temporary fulfillment. 

Oh, is it hard. To turn away from Path 1, the path of self-focus, of personal satisfaction. But when you turn away from that first path, Path 2 offers fresh air, pressure off your shoulders. A break from the self-recrimination. And instead a chance for striving for a different kind of glory, purpose.

How can we view our passing days as okay to be a work-in-progress.

Instead of clinging to the belief that all must be right, be completed now. To already have reached the place I want to be, to have met those goals, to be fully there.

Now what in the world do I base this expectation on?

Does truth tell us that life is going to be perfect now? (For that matter, will life here on earth be perfect ever? Hmm.) 

Yet, whether from culture's messages or our own desires for comfort and achievement and gratification, 

I have fallen into the temptation of believing that it is possible, expected even, that we should reach that beautiful perfection and meet those goals now.

Focus is on discontentment.

Focus is on comparison.

Focus is on what is lacking and unachievable.

Focus is on what is seen.

Focus is on SELF.

That is the *lovely* Path 1.

Somehow it takes such effort to turn your back from heading down that path. 

It requires complete determination and perspective shifting to turn your mind and heart to face a new road, to face Path 2. 

What of Path 2? 

• Believing the "simple" and foundational truth that you and I are made in God's image, that He loves us, that He has a plan for the purpose of our lives, distinct and personal, unique and necessary, distinguished from any other person He has created. 
• That He offers true, lasting satisfaction. In Him. 
• Pure and immovable acceptance. Not based on achievement or applause.
• We can feel mistake-ladden, and He will not love us less. 
• We can feel like we're doing great, and He will not love us more. 

Wow. 

Like the beloved story, Sidney and Norman by Phil Vischer, my heart relates so closely to the character of Sidney. Who struggles to accomplish even the mundane of life, and wonders how things can come so easily to others. Who gets down on himself and feels less-than and clumsy. Yet, who learns a tremendous lesson of God's love for him. Unconditional. Guaranteed. Always.

Our task? 
To remember.

To remember God's love and trust in His design and His ways for our lives.
To remember where to turn for those accolades, or if those accolades are even necessary. God's loving presence can be enough. More than enough.
To remember what it's all about. 
So that we can turn away from our big, self-satisfying dreams. And to turn instead toward the grander, yet the *smaller*... What truly matters, even if feeling unseen, under appreciated, unfinished.

Like this newly-cherished story, "The Tallest of Smalls" by Max Lucado... 

"And there Ollie sat. He might not have moved, might have sat there and cried, 

except for the touch he felt on his side. 

So gentle and caring, that he looked up to see Jesus smile down and say, 
"Ollie, come walk with me. 

Keep your feet on the ground, refuse to be stilted; 

chose low over high; leave the system tip-tilted."

So, along this journey of ours:
those desires of ours... 
those dreams we're waiting on...
those unmet expectations...
those times we feel left in the dust of other's achievements...
Even if this blog never reaches the wider audience I could dream of...

Let's just remember we are works-in-progress.
And smile. Even if it's hard. 
Because we. are. loved.

Blessings,
Elizabeth