Résumé

This topic has been on my mind for the past month... 

Brewing for quite some time. Popping up throughout my days. But I had been waiting. Until tonight. 

When the discovery of yet another suicide, followed by another suicide, the time to share my heart is now.

I have such a burden about this that I feel could write on to fill a book. 

The Spirit stirs strong within me. 

Music moves me. Books teach me. Faces remind me. Daily life motivates me.

Deep breath. Here we go...

How much of our value in this world is based on our qualifications, 

our successes, our presented self? 

How much of our own value do we place on our qualifications, 

our successes, or presented self? 

Our "résumé" for the world to see. 

Our life, defined and summarized by these headings:

Our Experiences

Our Education

Our Honors

Our Skills

Worth is assigned. Points are tallied.

We are measured by comparisons.

Or so we have trained ourselves to believe.

Our own self, as viewed through our living résumé.

And I am not talking the physical, typed on pretty paper résumé. Although that is relevant to most all of us. But what I mean is the deep down, who-am-I, what-do-I-have-to-show-for-myself résumé. 

It is what we have internalized and believe is real. 

It is what we have presented to the world.

And we glance at each other's résumé, and base our significance and worth on how we measure up. As we see it. 

So-and-so has just what I want, what I've been longing for. And it came so easy for them. But not for me.

So-and-so doesn't have the discouragements I have. Look at how pretty their life looks. And look at the mess I have.

So-and-so can balance it all. Perfectly. I can struggle to make it through the simplest day.

So-and-so has so much more energy, so much more skill than me. What can I do that can compare?

So-and-so just has an easier life than me. Just look at them! And then look at me...

Them. Me. 

Them. Me.

Ridiculous. To hold these perceptions, these LIES as truth. 

But to us, it can seem like truth. And truth that gets us dug into deep, dark holes.

Disappointment. Discouragement. Doubt. Deception. Despair.

(Sue Goodenow, Teresa Paulsrud)

But. 

"YOU CAN'T MEASURE SOULS. 

SOULS DEFY MEASURING."

(Ann Voskamp)

"Everything isn't a marker to make you feel behind or ahead; 

Everything is a flame to make you see God is there...

That God is working through this person's life... 
THAT GOD IS PRESENT HERE IN THIS MESS, 
THAT GOD IS USING EVEN THIS."

(Ann Voskamp)

My brother was talking with me today about a discussion among his church class (led by Pastor Chuck Mullikin) in processing recent tragic news. About the tendency we have to hide our hurts from others. To maintain that front, that appearance that we somehow believe we must show the world. That we even feel we must show those close to us:

The "Dutch front."

In a beautiful, lovely Dutch town, there was a dilapidated building that suddenly boasted a new exterior. A Dutch exterior, to match the Dutch exterior of surrounding buildings. It looked nice; it appeared to pass the test.

But underneath that new, attractive storefront, the same beat-up structure and worn interior remained.

It didn’t fix the inside: it just made it look nice as you passed by, glanced toward it.

We may be hurting on the inside: underneath we may be in despair, be hopeless, be feeling so ugly and worthless. A failure... that we cannot allow the world to see. 

Or so we have trained ourselves to believe.

We often try to hide our hurting with a lovely exterior. 

Our "résumé."

Our method of determining success, value, worthiness.

Or so we have trained ourselves to believe.

Where to go from here?

We must recognize and remember the gift Christ offers each of us: 

His sacrifice of own His life, for each of our own lives. 

To take our place and die 
for our weaknesses and faults and mess ups. 

And His promise of absolute perfection to come, 
with Him, after we die. 

How our following Christ in this life is all that matters: 

both now and our forever to come.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he/she is a new creation; 

Old things have passed away, and look, new things have come."

(2 Corinthians 5:17)

And to take to heart this truth:

"Christ DOES make us new, 

but we still are humans who have the brokenness of the world."

(Brother of mine)

"Through all the pain, suffering, grief, 
God is working out this same unstoppable purpose for you. 
He's forming in you the character needed 
for the assignment that He has for you...
Only through that kind of process can you have 
that unshakable faith and overwhelming confidence in God, 
because He is a God of purpose...
What is being created in you because of your painful experience: 
that is the very apex, the ultimate expression, 
of the very heart of God to others." 
(Kirk Cameron, "Unstoppable")

For an introspective girl like me, who has been fighting the battle of depressive thinking for years and years, I almost constantly mull over "What is the purpose of it all? What is the point?"

Without my faith in God, I do not know that I would have made it this long in this hard life. HOPE. 

"Hope is that beautiful place 

between the way things were 
and the way things are yet to be." 

(my favorite ever Hallmark card) ;)

What gives life meaning?

1. WONDER 

(like the wonder of a child, taking in the newness of the world; the breath-taking view that resounds in your spirit)

2. TRUTH

(discovering the truth that makes life have purpose, fall into place)

3. LOVE/BELONGING 

(we hunger for this)

4. SECURITY 

(From a message by Ravi Zacharias)

"God loves us. 

Not how we WANT to be, 
but how we ARE."

(Nate Balder)

Please, please. If you are feeling overwhelmed (even to the point of despair) over your life's "résumé", please allow yourself to be vulnerable to someone. To me. To another loved one. (So many of us are struggling. We don't always see each other's pain and hurt, but it is real.) Don't let your view of your value and your worth be defined and confined to a perception of this world's determination and critique of who you are.

"We can live out loud and we can say we struggle... 
Getting rid of the darkness in our lives 
and beginning to live in the Light."

(Pastor Brandon Barker, Westwind Church, http://www.westwindchurch.org/sermons/)

As hard as this can be to believe for yourself how God feels toward you, toward all of us, let these truths soak in...

"Because you are precious in My sight 
and honored, 
and I love you."

(Isaiah 43:4)

"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; 

I have called you by your name; 

you are Mine."

(Isaiah 43:1) 

YOU are loved. Not your supposed qualifications, not your success rate, not your skills and experiences, not your perceived worth. YOU.

"Just as I am..."

Blessings as always, 

Elizabeth