Will I Ever Stop Sighing?

Question:
What do a Bath & Body Works' Moonlight Path body spray and a Mr. Goodbar have to do with this particular Sunday in September?

Answer: 
They were pure-and-simple pampering items to distract and provide a relief for my weary, worn spirit. 
A spritz. 
A taste. 
That took place while on the way home from church this morning. 
A church morning where my patience disappeared and my exhaustion overtook my once-peaceful and optimistic self. 

(GRRR. Anyone with me?)

All it took were some wiggly boys. Who were constantly antsy. And distracting. And who pushed their momma to her personal limits. All while in the space confines of a pew bench at church. It even reached the place where I walking the boys out of the church service to give them one of those talks: about "Get this: There is a time for playing. But THIS is not that time!"

After church, I smiled at friends. And I sighed. 
Those deep, "one of those days" sighs. 

The problem?

When was the last day that I didn't sigh in 
weariness?

Um.

This discouraged me.
I want to be positive, I want to be an encourager. I want to be a cheerful person to be around. But those deep sighs do not convey that spirit. At all. 
BUT.
They are real and honest. 

• Mysterious overnight-bug bites that cover my children's faces this morning. 
• The littlest boy who fell asleep during nursery time, meaning there would be no afternoon nap to give this momma a minor break.
• A dear brother-in-law facing big health concerns.
• Other beloved family members in difficult times and experiencing life-altering changes, all across the country and the world.
• My still recovering from a recent medical procedure.
• Our uncertainty in future decisions coming down the road.
• Feeling so very tired and *done* by the end of most days.
• And the news around the world? Hate... Terrorism... Crime... Disasters... Hurts... Greed...

This is real. 
This is honest.
(Life, right?)

And you know what I recalled? As I struggled through my discouragement of these daily sighs? 
That this current world is NOT my forever home. 
Or your forever home.
(If you are a believe and follower of Christ.)
There is an indescribably better forever to come.
That will be filled with love. And empty of the grief and stress and pain and ugly of this world.

"O Lord,
I live here as a fish in a vessel of water, 
only enough to keep me alive,
but in Heaven I shall swim in the ocean. 
Here I have a little air in me to keep me breathing,
but there I shall have sweet and fresh gales;
Here I have a beam of sun to lighten my darkness,
a warm ray to keep me from freezing;
yonder I shall live in light and warmth forever."
(A Puritan Prayer, shared in Joni Eareckson Tada's "Heaven... Your Real Home.)

FIXING my eyes...

"This is how heaven's citizens live while temporarily residing on earth. Heaven tells us every person, place, and thing has a purpose. This is why 'we do not lose heart... we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.' 2 Corinthians 5:16, 18."
(Joni Eareckson Tada, "Heaven... Your Real Home")

My eyes can easily be fixed on the now, on my FEELINGS of the moment.
Instead of fixed on TRUTH. 
Instead of having perseverance. 
Nope. Just fixed on the emotion of the minute.
Or fixed on discouragement that surprises with a depression that was hiding sneakily around the corner. 

Because often what my eyes are fixed on reveals this:

"I spent more time trying to build a levee to protect my house on sand that solidify my house on rock."

(Zach Ahrens, "No Longer the Frozen Chosen" The Bridge of Storm Lake's "The Everyday Divine" newsletter Fall 2014)

But it is essential to remember: 
"What I feel is not true. God's word is true." 
(Beth Moore, "Esther" DVD series)

And when I recognize this and am fixed on this, then these ideas can become real.

"When we trust our lives to the hand AND PEN of an unseen but ever-present God, He will write our lives into His story and every last one of them will turn out to be a great read. With a grand ending. And not just in spite of these catastrophies. Often because of them." 
(Beth Moore, "Esther" workbook)

"The closer we allow ourselves to get to another human, the more clearly we see a real person... Real is beautiful... Something beautiful happens when we get close enough to be vulnerable and then stick around for it... Your heart may feel all exposed, overwhelmed, and shabby from constant use, but real is beautiful. It declares there is hope alive in this world. Most importantly, it mirrors the love of God-in-flesh. It reflects the Love that laid down Himself. His body was broken and marred but always beautiful to us... who choose to believe."

(Anne Dahlhauser, "Velveteen People" The Bridge of Storm Lake's "The Everyday Divine" newsletter Fall 2014)

What is important?

• Realizing that my personal calling of this season, of this life of mine, is caregiving. Is loving and guiding. Specifically mothering my children and in relationships with other ladies and with other girls.
• Remembering that this calling (mine and yours) is not always pretty or always refreshing or always fun or always easy or always satisfying or any-of-those-nice-adjectives.
• Keeping central in my mind and heart that THIS world is temporary: All these circumstances (lovely and heart-wrenching) will not last. Circumstances are here for the moment (even if it turns out being a long moment) but then are gone, are changed.
• Heaven is on the horizon.

"For me, true contentment on earth means asking less of this life because more is coming in the next."

(Joni Eareckson Tada, "Heaven... Your Real Home")

As mysterious as Heaven is to us, Heaven is a promise. 

Of perfection and fulfillment and forever peace. 

Of being our real, true, pure, unhurt and unblemished self.
...Someday.

"This is eternal life: for a man ever to have his capacity filled." 

(Joni Eareckson Tada, "Heaven... Your Real Home")

And in the meantime?

There is much strife and imperfection. Many mistakes and rough days (and years). Much guilt and regret. Missed chances. Great pain. Deep grief.
But there are also moments around the hurt and anger and fear that are beyond-description-sweet. And moments of fulfillment that shine.

These boys I am called to raise are giving me many silver hairs. And wrinkle-lines. And a tight jaw. 
But who am I to expect mothering (and caring) to be easy? And pain-free? 
Loving is not easy, but it is not without rewards. Even while on this earth. But with even more to come... 

If you and I believe God. And if you and I follow His calling. 
To live beyond ourselves.

Here are some encouraging thoughts to leave you with today...

Blessings on this journey to a better place,

Elizabeth