A Donut Day

It was a donut day.

Meaning:

My thoughts were in an anxious place.

And in my mindless wandering, 

throughout the afternoon, more than a couple times, 

I reached for the bag of donuts left on the kitchen counter.

Because they were handy. Because it was easy.

The thing that concerns me?

I really don't even like donuts.

Last Tuesday, the day after The Appointment, 

it was a donut day.

And today, one week before The Brain Scan,

it was a donut day.

In one week, we should learn something.

Our muddled, dizzy wonderings should be stopped, 

and answers should be revealed.

One week now.

What do people do who have to wait longer for news like this?

And these 9 days that have passed?

This is the trick for me...

When the hours are filled with the company of others?

Life seems a bit better.

A bit more manageable. 

Pulled away from just me-thoughts.

The moments don't tick away quite as slowly.

Receiving care from those dear to me:

-An old friend's day trip to my home Saturday, 

along with her sweetest snack bag of favorite treats.

-A holiday shopping outing on Sunday 

with a friend and her child, and much cider and cookies. 
And a gifted bottle of Calico Skies. 

-A tea and scones, fireplace heart-to-heart

this morning at a friend's home.

(And Ben in those Dorothy-red-sparkle shoes!)

Spoiled. 

But oh, so grateful.

Daily texts with verses from friends...

Emails with encouragement from loved ones...

Conversations with those who are learning of our concerns...

Laughter-from-the-belly with my sweetest little family of 5...

Oh, and getting a mini jump start on Christmas decorating...

These things help, deep in my soul.

Still.

The thoughts are never gone, 

even when they are pushed out of the forefront. 

Wednesday, the 19th cannot come soon enough. 

Yet I know that night before, at Rainbow House in Omaha, 

I will be a bundle of nerves.

But at least there may be answers to this waiting.

It seemed this afternoon that all I wanted to do was lay in bed and think.

Under thick blankets, buried away from the normal of life.

Not headed in a good direction...

FEAR was reigning.

Not good.

Despairing thoughts tried to push in:

"ALL THREE of your children have eye issues! 

What's your deal? What have you done to them?"

"What if we lived in an era where their issues couldn't be fixed? 

These precious children would have unfocused, wandering eyes."

"This is just pitiful."

"You who get so easily overwhelmed. 

You try to hold it together. 

But then reality can smack you across the face."

"Just when you think you know what to expect,

new diagnoses enter the picture."

My heart hurts.

I am momma bear to these vulnerable ones.

 I need to remember "WHAT IS THE TRUTH?"

And remember that this is a battle, 

for my heart, mind, spirit, perspective.

Got to stay in this battle and not hide under the blankets,

but also remember

this is not my battle alone.

And who loves these boys more than Nate or I ever could?

HE does.

Tonight I pulled up a chair at a round table, 

surrounded by 6 older adults from our dear church.

With warm expressions, they asked questions and cared for my family's needs.

And then they prayed. 

Around the circle, one after the other, they prayed.

The wisdom and the selfless love they shared... 

Soothed me and wrapped me in the softest of soul embraces.

 This can be a beautiful journey.

The waiting.

The growing.

The deepening.

The vulnerability.

The prayers yet to be answered fully.

Be Still, My Soul
"Thy hope, thy confidence, 

let nothing shake.
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul."

Fear: be gone.

Stay gone.

Until next time... the countdown to answers continues.

And hopefully my reaching for a donut ceases!

Here's to no more donut days.

Blessings and thank you for your care,

Elizabeth

Lamentations 3:22-23

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
His mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;

great is Your faithfulness.”

Nahum 1:7
“The Lord is good,
a stronghold in the day of trouble;
He knows those who take refuge in Him.”

Romans 15:13
“May the God of hope fill you with
all joy and peace in believing,
so that by the power of the Holy Spirit
you may abound in hope."

1 Peter 5:7
“Casting all your anxieties on Him,
because He cares for you.”

Isaiah 41:13

“For I am the Lord,

your God,

who takes hold of your right hand

and says to you,

‘Do not fear; I will help you.’”

2 Corinthians 12:9
"My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness."