One Year: A Love Letter

In just 10 minutes, at 1:42am, it will be one year.

One year since you took your first breath outside of me and that protection of growing within.

Child of mine, you have been changing your momma's life this past 365 days. 

It is true you are not the first child I've carried for those months and delivered on those momentous days. As the third child (your momma shares that position, too!) there are times in your life you may feel like the "forgotten one" ;) or that "everyone's already been there, done that" once in awhile when your big days come. But know a truth from deep in your momma's heart: 

You are the one who can already see your momma: more at ease, more relaxed, more comfortable. 

Because. You have already have been hard at work to slow me down and show me how to savor, cherish, memorize the moments of our days. 
Something about you, dear one. Your spirit, alongside the fact of those months, those years given to your older brothers that have built in me a foundation of the momma I want to be for each of your unique treasures.

This week I have been savoring the memories leading up to the day you made your appearance into this world. 

Reminiscing the story of your arrival...

• The day I suspected you were in those earliest stages of being formed within me.
• That May evening when I was struck with those horrible signs that I may have lost you. The tears that fell from your weeping momma, and the treasured prayers from friends and family those following weeks.
• Those ultrasounds. That big reveal day. My processing of the emotions after learning you, your brothers, your daddy would make me outnumbered in our house, 4:1.
• Taking you on that Scotland adventure. Somehow I feel like you're a world traveler already...
• The mystery of wondering if you would indeed be a Christmas baby.
• That December 12th afternoon when your heart rate was troubling the doctor. And that sudden knowledge that I would be meeting you so very soon! I relive those moments like they happened just minutes ago. My heart still skips with anticipation and nervous excitement, even in the recalling: "You will be having your baby tonight." 

My heart is full.

You arrived with that familiar Balder head covered in dark.brown.softest.hair.

You, my baby, had that distinct and fascinating swirl of a cowlick right in the middle of your sweetest hairline. Atop the soft, fresh, pure baby skin of your forehead was that oh-so-distinctive part of you. 

Your daddy held you with that complete look of peace and father-pride. Watching you with him (just as when your older brothers were the babies) gave my heart that sudden feeling that is unexplainable. Yet I want so much to describe it, share it: My heart ached, throbbed; felt pained yet absolutely brimming with joy. 

(Love hurts?)

One full year has been accomplished now. 

You still seem like my dark and fuzzy haired, olive-skin-toned baby to me, wearing that teeny dark green newborn sleeper, in my arms at the Christmas Eve service. Breathtakingly beautiful. Your arrival in the Christmas season is special. (Just because.)

365 days of reliance on your momma: nursing, holding you close.

Stay so sweet, baby boy.

You have courage, son. To explore, to chase after the big boys, to share a smile with a stranger, to reach out toward the familiar and share your smiles, your personality, your gifts. 

What is God's plan for your life, little one?

You are on the receiving end of so many prayers from your daddy and me... And we are so curious to watch you grow.

• How will your life change the lives of those you encounter on your days here? 
• Where will you find passion for your days?

Keep your purpose simple and written on your heart: 
to love and care for others, to bring glory to God.

That is our prayer for you, when it all comes together through the filters and distractions of this life. Love God, love people. Stay focused on those things. "Be a blessing" as your older brothers will quote. 

Baby boy, growing boy: thank you for the gifts you have given me in your first year of life. Your imperfect momma loves you and is so very blessed and grateful. 

"May the Lord bless you and keep you, may the Lord make His face shine upon you and give you peace." (Your momma's imperfect version of the verse, but the one I pray over you 3 boys each and every night.)

Blessings on your days, your years, birthday boy.

Love, Momma

P.S. I hope you enjoy cake balls as much as a real birthday cake. The "old me" would still be angry. Now? "When life gives you a messed-up-cake, make cake balls."