Truths Revealed

See that tag? 

It is attached to the coat. The beautifully soft-like-a-blanket coat gift I received for Christmas. 

The tag.

Why is it still connected? Why is it not yet cut off and thrown in the garbage? Why is the gift not being used, appreciated publicly? 

Learning once again, a lesson about myself. 

The struggle that continues in me: 

gotta be perfect, gotta get it right. 

Tough to accept a gift. Especially a lavish one. Because…

Unworthiness. Of not being good enough to receive such a gift.

Because of my failings.

Part of me worried of the coat’s fit, the length (for the tall girl I am!), the material, the attention it may bring.

Another part of me smiled at the softness and femininity of something so lovely.

The fear in me, the doubter in me had taken over, and the coat sat folded and nicely held in a box. In the basement. Me, still considering the beauty of the gift. The unworthiness of myself to actually wear such an item.

Just today, Nate asked me about the coat. Whether it worked, whether I liked it.

Um.

Suddenly, I was confronted with that part of me, that part that I had managed to push aside and hide from my corner of the world.

Fear. Of regret.

Uncertainty. Of choice.

Consciousness. Of self.

All self-focused. Not full of love or care for anyone other than myself.

And not even liking myself.

"An unlikely enemy: my own self... 

constant state of high expectation... 

a prisoner to my own impossible expectations." 

(Emily P. Freeman)

Emily P. Freeman wrote a richly filled book called "Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life." I read it (underlining and marking much) over the summer, then it sat upon a bookshelf in our home.

GRACE has been "the word" of my 2013, if I could narrow down and highlight a major theme. 

Now GRACE has become the topic of conversation in great and challenging ways in this early 2014, already discussed at length between Nate and me.

RULES. PERFORMANCE.

RECEIVING. GIFTS.

GRATITUDE.

GRACE.

"Failure, whether real or perceived reminds of my own limits and it takes me to a place of recognizing I can't make this life work the I want, no matter how noble or worthy or good my intentions."

(Emily P. Freeman)

"As much as I'd prefer only the lovely,

beauty from ashes tells a more compelling story."

(Emily P. Freeman)

Missing out on the simplicity of relationship with God. His gifts, His blessings.

“Through every cloud He brings,

He wants us to UNLEARN something.”

(Oswald Chambers)

What are the lessons you and I need to unlearn?

Me? Fear. Pleasing others. Perfection. Being good. Definition of success. Measuring up to the wrong standards. Accomplishment meaning value.

"You have the letting power.

Let fear dominate or let peace rule."

(Emily P. Freeman)

"As long as we think we are not that bad,

the idea of grace will never change us."

(Timothy Keller)

Remembering GRACE. 

Remembering IN WHOM I am guaranteed security.

Remembering the GIFTS God has given me. Lavishly. That I do not deserve. (That, much like my coat, I do not appreciate publicly.)

Unlearning this world’s version of worthiness to receive gifts…

Of needing to be acceptable, successful, adequate, measuring up.

Learning (re-appreciating) that those of us in CHRIST are given such a different outlook:

The gift of becoming and remaining as a child of His.

I have written these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, so that you may know that you have eternal life. (1 John 5:13)

Of being covered with His hand of protection.

My sheep hear My voice, I know them, and they follow Me.

 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish—ever!

No one will snatch them out of My hand. (John 10:27-28)

Of being led by His light.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above,

coming down from the Father of lights with whom

there is no variation or shadow due to change. (James 1:17)

Of needs being met by His provision.

And my God will supply every need of yours

according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

Of being heard by Him, the Mighty One.

Now this is the confidence we have before Him:

Whenever we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. (1 John 5:14)

Of freedom from these struggles.

For freedom Christ has set us free;

stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. (Galatians 5:1)

Of His blessings, pure and absolute. 

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

who has blessed us in Christ

with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 1:3)

Ultimately… remembering this familiar verse:

For God so loved the world that He gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him. (John 3:16-17)

"For you have died,

and your life is hidden

 with Christ in God." 

(Colossians 3:3)

"Now I am hidden in Christ:

safe, secure, and complete." 

(Emily P. Freeman)

That is all I need to know. That is enough. (More than enough.)

I don't deserve The Gifts. But He has given them to me. And you.

So I will wear that coat.

Take of those tags, and accept that gift.

Even if it is not perfect fit on the imperfect me. Receive the gift, even so. And smile.