Growing Pains

I’d pretty much gotten my groove. As a mother of young ones. Years of babes and toddlers and preschoolers and elementary ages. Never had it all figured out (ha!) but the groove, the rhythms, the methods: they become known. 

Rest times and nourishment needs, teaching habits, training manners, hours of coloring, learning letters and how to read, building block towers, planting flowers, riding a bike, mastering every playground, staring up at the clouds.

And then suddenly, even in front of my very eyes, living in the absolute day to day of life:

High schooler. Driving lessons. Job seeking. Social stuff. Bigger responsibilities. Peer relationships. Decision-making. Time running out of the hourglass. 

Letting go a bit.

There still is time. But my word. When and where and how have these circumstances arrived? 

When I still feel like all our cubs are under our cautious gaze, within our protective arms. Those constant needs of childhood. 

This is an age-old, timeless experience, right? The speediness of life's stages and the blur of the journey. 

The commenting to others, "I just can't believe it... how big he is, how much he's grown, that he's old enough for..." Well, that comment seems to have become a daily, repetitive recitation in my life. And the more I say it, the more I somehow find a clenched jaw. Grateful, but trying to learn how in the world do I adjust?!

When every week, every month seems to pick us up and place us in a new spot on the game board of life's-changing-seasons. I look back, I look forward, I look down at my shoes at the step I'm on. Wondering how many steps ahead my piece be and where my position and vantage point will be. 

Life is rich and full. Life is headed down the pretty-much expected path of milestones and rites of passage. 

And I am thankful. Life is bitter and sweet. Gains and losses. Amazing and heart-wrenching. Hilarious and so tragic. 

But I am in the midst of some major growing pains. Me. My heart and mind. Stretching and growing and stepping out onto the next spot on the game board. Trying to be brave and swallow deep and steadily keep moving toward the finish line. 

And it is tough. Juggling the roles in life, juggling the loved ones in my life, juggling the hours of when to fit in what. Keeping track of scheduling and editing to-do lists seem to reign. And the figuring-out of needs of a high schooler down to a first grader is so stretching. There's where the growing pains linger. 

The incredible experience of getting to walk alongside (and behind, from a distance) our oldest as he becomes more and more a man. The conversations we can share, the heavier life issues he can now understand, the personality and the individuality he is developing. Oh, how I value these fresh sides of our son.

And then there's the experience yet of the youngness of our youngest. More than a decade remains in raising her in this household. There is so much wonder and wide-eyed curiosity I still want to savor and nurture. And she continues to need a nearby eye and available hand as she navigates and learns and grows. 

So I hold my hand toward our littlest as she skips and dances ahead on her journey. And I hold my hands clasped (but at the ready) for our oldest as he strides ahead in those man-sized steps he now takes.

And my heart squeezes and my jaw clenches. Holding close and letting go.

Clinging to promises like this:

"The LORD directs the steps of the godly.

He delights in every detail of their lives.

Though they stumble, they will never fall

for the LORD holds them by the hand."

Psalm 37:23 

He directs our steps. 

 

He delights in the details. 

 

He holds us by the hand. 

(And this helps.) 

"Sometimes life is so hard you can only do the next thing.

Whatever that is, just do the next thing.

God will meet you there."

Elisabeth Elliot 

 

(And that helps, too.)

So, any of you who are feeling these growing pains with me? 

Those of you who have gone before me down this path and can look back on your growing pains? 

Let's throw each other encouraging smiles and bits of wisdom and reassurances that each "next thing" we are walking into... 

that we are not alone + that we are doing our imperfect best + that there is Someone who is overseeing it all, with the absolute perfect plan and timing for it all.

 

BLESSINGS,

Elizabeth