Slow Songs

Once in awhile... 

An all-too-familiar sensation floods over me, pushing me down. 

My mind chases after whirling anxieties in desperation, with downcast thoughts. 
My spirit is overwhelmed, seeming frozen in place. 
My heart is heavy, with a darkness wanting to snatch away any hope, any peace.

(Phew, right?)

Last night, I was heading in that direction.

Sometimes it's without warning. Sometimes it's certain circumstances build their case toward that shift in my usually-optimistic, practical, fight-through outlook.

• Maybe it came from feeling weighed down with the stress of the long, final weeks of my beloved's enormous grad school workload. 
• Or from recognizing a certain guilt of having healthy children... when others are not given that same situation.
• Or perhaps my mulling through some present-yet-unresolved-uncertainties and scary soon-to-be-challenges within those I dearly love.
• Or even stemming from my recent mental fogginess and stuffed head (from an overly-exuberant me: so ready for springtime walks outside that in the bundling up of others, I neglected to care for myself!).
• Maybe just a combination. Weariness, burdens, self-focus. Life.

But at the boys' bedtime last night, hope gently pushed its way back up, 

returning to its rightful place. 

The older two boys were tightly tucked under blankets in their bunkbeds, 

nightlight glowing dimly, calming hum of the humidifier, youngest brother held close in my arms, drifting to sleep... 

As sometimes is the case, in the darkness of the pale blue room, 

the words of cherished and oh-so familiar hymns begin to slip from my tongue.

Softly at first. 

Then increasing intensity.

More and more. From deep within.

So common, so familiar. 

Yet not.

When you slowly unravel the words, 

slowly say the words aloud, 

everything changes.

Please. 

Whisper them along with me as you unhurriedly speak these words:

In Christ alone.

My hope is found.

He is my light.

My strength. 

My song.

This Cornerstone.

This solid Ground.

Firm. Through the fiercest drought and storm.

What heights of love.

What depths of peace.

When fears are stilled.

When strivings cease.

My Comforter.

My All in All.

Here. In the love of Christ. I stand.

(And on and on... absolutely breathtaking, soul quenching.) 

Next out of my mouth were those heartfelt words:

When peace like a river attendeth my way.

When sorrows like sea billows roll.

Whatever my lot, You have taught me to say:

It is well.

It is well with my soul.

And then, slowly:

Great is Thy faithfulness.

Great is Thy faithfulness.

Morning by morning

New mercies 

I see.

All. I. Have. Needed.

Thy hand hath provided.

Great 

is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.

Strength for today.

And bright hope for tomorrow...

One more. So known, but so genuine:

Then sings

my soul

My Savior God, to Thee:

How great Thou are, how great Thou art.

And somehow, somehow. Through these words, familiar to many of us from whatever walk of life and background... 

My heart, my mind found their Source of peace, strength, hope, hidden joy.

And you know what happens? 

To those dark thoughts flooding over me? 

Light floods in. Light wins.

"Darkness.cannot.overcome.light."

(Pastor Glen Lozier, Arthur Evangelical Free Church)

As I rocked in the chair, lulling a sleepy baby, God came near. 

It brings tears to my eyes, that this is truth:

"Those who seek the Lord? He finds them."

(Rev. Alan Tunberg, Arthur Church Sunday School Class)

3 images came to mind, from our Colorado travels last summer:

When the path began, an intense dryness described the ground. Lack of abundance, no water, no relief from the shade. Walking up the path, straining under the sun and the heat, eventually a roaring could be heard. The sound of relief, of thirst-to-be quenched. Of hope. Finally, at an overlook, it could be seen. The deafening, thunderous water. Powerful. Tumbling down the mountain. Real. Available. Found when sought after. If one did not give up and turn around when all seemed lost, in the period of dryness.

Continually this week, God has been revealing a similar thread of truth:

Keep close to Him.

"(Our) principal endeavor has been to stay as close as possible to God."

(brother Lawrence, Practicing the Presence of God)

"Because, after all, is not our true aim and aspiration just to be near God?

...A soul that makes God its primary pursuit, because in this journey called life, regardless of the scenery, 
such a soul is deeply contented in the Company."

(Alicia Britt Chole, Anonymous)

(Oh, to remember the messages of those songs.

He is our rock. He is our strength. He is light. 

He is faithful, day after day. He meets our needs.

He provides mercy. He is our comforter. He is solid. 

He is worthy of our trust, our strivings.)

Seek His will, His unseen purposes for our lives.

"Yet not what I will, 
but what You will."

(Mark 14:36)

"My God, I am all Yours; 
do what You will in me."

(brother Lawrence, Practicing the Presence of God)

Rather than our desire to "put things back where they were before"...

Maybe, maybe we are called to prevail through the difficult circumstances. 

To remain faithful.

(Terry Gerdes, Arthur Church Sunday School Class)

"Day after day He bears our burdens."

(Psalm 68:19)

Questions:

Why does God choose to care for each of us so very personally, generation after generation? (Truly, why?) 

...I have no idea. Simple me. I cannot comprehend these truths, even a tiny bit. Yet I do my best to trust that His mercy and care are real, and that I do not need all the answers. I just close my eyes and open my mind to the reality that there is a God who is present and who knows. 

And all of it, this life? 
It is all meant FOR HIS GLORY.

Don't forget those songs. Don't forget those messages. Whisper them to your soul. Or shout them at full power. Just don't forget. 

Hope will return. Light will burn away the darkness. The Provider of today's strength is ready and waiting.

Blessings as we continue the journey,
Elizabeth